Maybe he really does know me, I don't know. Few days ago, he said, "You have a big energy, but it's unfocused". He was reading me all this time and I know exactly what's that mean. So I nod in agreement and confessed. "Yes. I've lost my passion, my purpose. And not even sure what to do next".
He said I look rock solid on the outside but when he got to know me, it's kinda messy inside "the house". His words were something like, "Your mind is like this big solid house, a grand and beautiful house, actually, but it's all messy inside. Sure, your apartment is very tidy, but the house in your mind, not so much. Well, it's really messy, actually". Wow, he has to emphasized that twice, guess my mind is really messy, ha?
(But he thinks my apartment is tidy. Yay for me! :D)
And so I have to explain myself. I hate explaining myself. Coz nobody seems to understand. Heck, my bf for 5 years didn't even know me. And didn't even try, apparently. But this guy is trying to get inside my head. Either he really wants to know me, or he's just running out of things to do in his spare time. Hahaha.. kidding.
Anyway, and so I explained to him how I lost my passion for writing about 3-4 years ago. I haven't found what is it I want to write. Gotta give it to the great writers, it's just not easy sometimes to sit in front of the laptop and arranging words to create a story, another world where interesting things happen. All I can write lately is news, straight news only, can't even write a proper long article. And blogging. I don't even twit anymore, or write something on the Path. Or instagramming. I haven't really do anything.
However, my time is not completely a waste. I'm developing my sewing skills and creating dresses, tops and pillow cases. Haha.. The pillow cases is just ok, but some of my dresses are quite lovely and two of them he really likes. Actually he likes the pattern of the fabric, but lets just pretend that he knows I sewn those. And he actually asked me to wear one of the dress again. Weird request, I'll write it down next time.. ;)
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