He Said, We're OK

Ever felt your guts is telling you something that you're not sure what that is coz you don't speak the same language? Well, I felt it few times, and most of the times it turned out to be something big.

These past few weeks, my intuition was trying to talk to me again and like always, I couldn't understand it. Is it work related, family related, or worst, love related? I fear the last coz I fear of being broken-hearted again. It's like, I'm more willing to lose my job and get a new one than losing my boyfriend. Yes, I'm stupidly in love.

And like any other women, a bit unlike the usual me, I became more and more irritable to my guy. I nagged him for everything, from him being late, being tired of work and became impatient. Even deciding a movie we're going to see could end up in a row. And that's emotionally exhausting, I have to admit.

It goes for few weeks until one lonely night when I missed him so, I chatted him through the internet messenger. I asked, "are we ok?"

And as John Gray described so many times that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," he didn't understand at all what I was implying with the question. Trying to explain to him took hours and tears pouring when it ended up in a fight. He could easily said "We're ok, honey, maybe I'm just tired" but it's the ego prevent him of doing so, maybe. Or maybe because he simply didn't understand my insecurity.

But in the end, when I think he understood that I just needed to be comfort, he said, "We're ok, I'm just tired. It's work, you know". Yes, I know. He told me everything going on in work but turned out, he hid one from me coz we had different opinion on the matter. It's very unlikely for us to disagree, so it my strong opinion probably surprised him. And since he knew I'm always right (ok, most of the times :D) he couldn't stop thinking about it.

But a fight is probably something we need to understand each other more. Like a check up to a doctor to see if you're alright, or getting your car to be fix coz you feel something's not right while driving it. A fight, that lower his tone when talking to me the next day and days after that. He probably felt guilty knowing I have felt neglected and try to make things up. And give me a peck in the forehead when I rested my head in his shoulder, when we were watching movies, something he rarely does coz he's not the PDA (publicly display of affection) kind.

So I guess we're ok for now..