Temporary Matters

So, it's two days before my birthday and here comes the mellow feeling.. Each year now, I feel so miserable around my birthday. Being adults sucks.

I remember a friend of mine, Ellis, warned me 'bout being adult, she said "You'll feel very sad when you turn 20, one fifth of a century, and each year afterward. So now you just enjoy being a teenager". I was the youngest in my group and that make me the last person celebrating the age 20.

I didn't put too much thought of what Ellis said and I felt fine turning 20, and 21, 22, 23, 24.. And I started to feel the burden of being an "adult" when I turned 25. That's one fourth of a century, I thought. And I only have, like, 50 more years to live. Or less. Very unlikely more than 50 more years.

And here I am, about to turn to 32 years old. Still doing the job that I always thought will be just a temporary thing. Been 8 years, so I guess it's not that temporary. And here I am, sulking, hating myself for not doing anything when I was 31.

Once, I promised myself that I will find another job by the time I'm 30 or less. I love this job but I need more income. There, I'm being frank. But then I found that jobs who offer big payment also offer big boredom. And some other jobs is just something I really don't want to do in my lifetime. Unfortunately, lots of that job-that-I-don't-want is the ones available with my experience. But I don't want those.

Thing is, I don't know exactly what I want. And that's still a big problem. I don't know what I want. I just don't know. I really don't.. I could go on and on like this.. but I really don't know. Ok, I should stop.

And that curly guy is being so sweet, he tried to remind me that I shouldn't be comparing myself with what others have achieved. That I have to be content with myself. Yeah, right, like that kind of talk ever works.. But he was nice, at least he tried to comfort me.

But I don't really need comfort talk right now. But maybe a hug. That would be comforting.. But hey, I guess I don't always get what I want. I won't be here sulking if I do. And there you go, I'm being depressed again.

I told him sometimes all I wanna do is just pack my bag and hop on the plane to Timbuktu. Like Donald Duck and his 3 nephews used to do when they did something wrong and have to run from the Duck Town. That's always inspiring I guess, like Timbuktu will always solved your problems, whatever it is. Ha ha ha..

But he just shake his head listen to this and retorted, "that's not a solution, that's escapism". Well yeah, it's an escape, I admit. Sometimes, I just wanna leave this all behind. All the problems, all the debts, all the work, including all in the "game of love". I'll just go to Timbuktu and start over. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.. *evil grin*

PS: Timbuktu is real, by the way. It's a town in Mali, Africa. I don't know why Donald (Duck) pick this place.. but probably because the name sounds mysterious.. :D